Monday, January 17, 2011

"The secret"

On a message board I belong to, a lady asked us to list just one thing that we love about our husbands. There were many answers given: deep, funny, happy, every day and very special. One of the answers struck a cord with me. The woman shared how wonderful it was that her husband made her feel desired and desirable every day of her life. We are not talking about undergarments and roses... no. The wonder of it is that her husband (and mine) makes her feel desired as she is. When the children have left her no time for a shower, when she has not lost the weight after a baby, and even when she is very grouchy!

This is one of the great 'secrets' I so much want to tell to younger girls. There is so much emphasis on how girls look, that even feminist broadcasters are called to CNN to bemoan it. Young girls should be thinking about becoming doctors and lawyers, not breast augmentations, false lashes, hair extensions, diets... Being your own woman is what makes you happy, not looking phony to atract a man. But guess what? Women still want to get married. They want someone to be with and grow old with (although they do not want to think about the growing old part. Or even about growing up.) And since developing your womanly side has been banned as an option, women seem to think that looking like a superstar, being sexy is the only way to be 'atractive'.

The sad thing is that all the attempts to look like Miss. Perfect will fade over time. No matter how much plastic surgery, creams, and super fashionable underwear you have, there always will be someone younger and prettier than you. On Tv talkshows you see husbands being boed away as they complain about their wives not being the atractive trophy wife they married. And of course they should not feel that way, but if that is the way a woman 'catches' her man, he expects her to keep up her end of the bargain, and it simply is impossible. Growing older, having children, the day to day life... will make you into a real woman and not a clubhopping energizing bunny who can swagger and sashay like a fantasy.

There is however an alternative. I always advocate on this blog to look elegant, and to be modest without being frumpy. And I try to live that. But well.. babies do spit up, and some days.. even a five minute shower just is not in the cards. Some days, no matter how much you quote scripture and inspirational texts to yourself, you get grouchy. And here is the good news: if you chose well, you have a husband that loves you even on those days. And that desires you on those days.

If you are a young woman, looking for marriage, work on your character, AND your discernment... you may be lucky enough to marry one of the good guys. And to them.. all of the exterior matters just fade away. You will be loved, you will be desired, you will have a love life that reaches the stars even your hair has not been washed three days in a row, and you have been chasing cheerios for hours. Of course your husband will still appreciate it that you try to do your best to look pretty, but his love, nor his desire will depend upon it.
This means however that you need to have to offer something beyond good looks. So instead of having "I want to lose weight" this year as your new years resolution, try: "I want to practice more patience." Instead of planning to "pamper yourself with a manicure at least once a mont", try practicing "self denial". And instead of buying a stylish wardrobe, consider developping your conversational skills. Those never go out of fashion.


Matushka Anna said...


(Sorry, I took one of those rare men...)

Anonymous said...

Good post! One of my friends stresses me to use make-up and wear more trendy clothes, because "that's what men are looking for". I've told her before that I strive to be well dressed and look good, but that I won't dress provocative in order to find a man. She's convinced that's the reason I don't have a partner. Oh well.