So... what has been going on?

It's been a while, isn't it, since last you saw me post here? And I have missed it a lot. Unfortunately I can not promise at the moment to be any more regular about blogging though I will try. You see, I mentioned a few complications with this pregnancy. Some of them are hormonal, one of them is gestational diabetes. Now this was slightly annoying during my first pregnancy, but at that point there was no little rambunctuous two year old so munching on broccoli and sticking to an extremely strict diet was not really a problem and I managed it with relative ease. This time around, I need to find the time for menu planning, sugar level measuring, snacking and eating meals that take longer to fill up on in between taking care of a wonderful bundle of energy.
Aside from that, my beloved husband has a deadline at work that he needs to get ready for and I need to prepare for both the holidays and the baby in short order. Needless to say, time and thought have been absent from my blog for a while.

I do come and read the blogs of my friends though, whenever there is a little hole of time, and I will certainly keep you updated on really important things.

Speaking of really important things.... here is my little big boy on halloween. Isn't he the cutest Elmo you have ever seen? I decided I didn't want to spend 35 dollars on a costume that would never be worn again, so when I found this Elmo balaklava the whole idea came together. All three pieces can be worn in winter and together, they formed an adorable costume. Josephs wonderful dad went as Anakin Skywalker and I as Queen Amidala. (well.. there are just not that many things you can go as being very visibly pregnant, right?)

...And a bottle of rum.

This morning I had to go to the doctor for a glucose test. Thanks to the fact that I had been told I could be there between eight and ten am for the test without an appointment, but the phlebotomist (I have been longing to use that word in a sentence!) told me later they were only there from eight thirty on... I spend two full hours at the clinic while my husband entertained our little boy. I had to fast since the previous day. Pregnant women and fasting do not go well together. So as soon as I was home I curled up on the couch with a bowl of cheerios and my cuddly boy.
We had a really good day together so far. We played in the playroom with the trains and the books, though I had to scold Joseph for not being gentle with the books. It is amazing to me that any child of me can be so rough on his toys. I always treated everything with great care, just ask my mother!

After the books, trains, farm and the piano... Joseph decided he wanted to play on the guest bed. I allow it, because I mostly want to teach him not to play in the baby room where he used to bounce on the airmatrass that was laying there. We were in the midle of a bunch of games of wrestle, tickle and sing song, when I decided to try once more to make Joseph say his name. While he has lots and lots of other words and budding sentences, he really has trouble with his name. He likes to refer to himself as bebe even though he knows and recognizes his name. Mommy is trying to teach him to say Joseph. He has managed 'Joseh' a few times, but usually sticks to Jojo.
Today I decided to be more ambitious and tried for Joseph Hauk. So since singing is one of my boy's favorite passtimes, mommy sung Joseph Hauk on the theme of jingle bells. Joseph enthousiastically joined in. Only... he didn't QUITE manage Joseph Hauk.
What came out was a very happy and determined "Jo ho ho".... and mommy collapsed in a heap of laughter. "Yohoho and a bottle of rum, Joseph???"

A simple day

First of all I wanted to thank everyone for your prayers. They are helping. The medical issues unfortunately are not cleared up yet, but I will know more possibly after my next visit to the doctor on the seventh.


I made some raisin, walnut cinamon bread yesterday in the breadmaker. It was the first time I tried it, and I had to tweek some of the recipe, since the ants had gotten all my sugar earlier in the week, and I had had to eliminate my powdered milk as well. Still, it turned out yummy. I put on facebook that I had made it and my wonderful husband really looked forward to having some, which meant I had to have some left overs when he came home! I can tell you that that was a challenge since both Joseph and I really loved it.
My sweet Bill had a meeting of the Knights of columbus in the evening, so he was supposed to arrive home at about 8.30.
The last few weeks/ months Joseph really started to get into the phase in which he misses people. So he keeps asking for dadda from about one hour before he usually comes home. So when dadda did not arrive at the expected time Joseph got more and more excited. Unfortunately the meeting ran late and Bill arrived home just about five or ten minutes after I put Joseph in bed. He just had to peek in for a minute and redo the last part of the bedtime routine just so his little boy knew he was at home.

Today we plan on having a calm and fun day. Joseph and I may go to the golden arches playground around noon. I am doubting between yambalaya or breakfast for dinner tonight. I have some eggs that need being used up. Or maybe some spanish omelet. Hmmm choices, choices.
Depending on how tired I feel when naptime comes around, I am planning on getting my sewing machine out and experimenting somewhat. I would like to try and actually learn to sew clothes for my little boys since it becomes increasingly difficult to find something that makes him look like a young gentleman. I will admit I have an extremely oldfashioned taste, but I get so tired of the dinosaurs, trucks or screaming pictures that seem to have to adorn everything for boys over the age of 18 months. Unfortunately when I looked in sewing books at my last visit to Joanns it seems the patterns provide for more of the same of what you find in the shops. Oh well, at least you can adapt. For now though, it would be enough to get my sewing machine back running again. I am planning on practicing by making little baggies for the sugarbeans that I will need for the baptism in february. That way I have time enough. I am thinking of a brown, green or blue toile at the moment, but that might change.
Aside from that, I want to do a load of laundry or two, and of course spend a lot of time on the floor playing with my boy.

Need some help (sensitive post)

So I had another ultrasound, and it turns out that I am two weeks further than they said I was. (I TOLD them so!)
It also turned out that the baby was a boy. While I know I shouldn't care at all and that my main focus should be on a healthy baby, I feel really dissapointed that this isn't a girl. I am, as you probably know if you read this blog, probably the most girly girl there is. I feel like my whole life I have been prepared to mother a little girl. I am also the first daughter of a first daughter, of a first daughter... all strong, special, kind, womanly women who passed on something to their daughters that can not be passed on to sons. Plus, I just want tea sets and pretty dresses and a child that is interested in some of the things that I am interested in. *chuckles* I love Joseph, and am interested in him and what he does, but trains and cars and dinosaurs and climbing... hmmm...

Considering my age and other practical circumstances, this might very well be our last child, though one never knows what God will decide. Anyhow, even IF there would be a third child, there would not be a guarantee that that is a girl. Besides... I want to rejoyce in this baby. Not the next.
Please... do not tell me how wonderful boys are. I HAVE a wonderful boy. Everybody who reads this blog knows how much I adore my wonderful boy. I also know that they will be friends. THough I honestly think they might be friends too if the next one was a girl.

I am asking two things of you if you read this: first.. pray for me. There are some things going on with me physically that I prefer not to speak of in such a private forum that make me over react to what is in reality is a little dissapointing, but no big deal. After all.. I love the little boy I already have, so two little boys will just mean twice the love. I just need to.. get there. But as I said, there are some physical things going on that are giving me serious trouble.
Secondly, do you know of some sites that are exclusively aimed at boys clothing and NICE boy clothing. Not just you know.. green onesies with a blue border and a giraffe that are supposed to be cute? I want to look at more.. elegant boy pictures, if that makes any sense.
Do you know any ways at all to help make me actually feel how special this little baby boy is going to be? I just keep having this horrible, horrible 'heir and a spare' feeling, and of course I am racked with guilt over feeling that way.

Elmo and soup st(r)ains...

I had an exhausting day today. This morning, I had a big suprise for Joseph. None other than ELMO and Grooverwould make a visit to our local childrens museum. We are members and go at least once every two weeks. Even without Elmo, it's a great place to visit. So Joseph was enthousiast about going shopping in the children's supermarket they have, the firetruck he could steer and the large blocks he could play with. But around 11 am... there was a big buzz in the middle of the museum where the enormous interactive statue of Eddie (biggest child ever, three stories high) sits patiently. Tables were set up where children could get a colouring page with Elmo's head.
About ten minutes later, Elmo and Groover made an appearance to a group of very enthousiast preschoolers and their mothers. After that a line formed to have your picture taken with Elmo and Groover. By some stroke of luck, we were pretty close to the beginning of the line, so I only had to keep my struggling todler in check for five to ten minutes. He usually is pretty well behaved, but he is very active and his enthousiasm for Elmo and Groover really overwhelmed any restraint. I held on tight to his hand, I hoisted him on my hip, I held him under my arms like a football, sang itsy bitsy spider, and less than ten minutes later it was our turn. We made the pictures and all seemed well in the world. And then... Joseph did not want to leave.

With him tucked under my arm, this time more like a squirming, squeeling piglet I took him away from the photo oportunity for a planned purchase of an Elmo figure at the museum shop. On the way there he escaped once and ran back to where he just came from. I nabbed him a few yards before he could disturb another childs oportunity. Once in the store, he was slightly distracted by the big button he was allowed to push that made the bright yellow schoolbus play the sesame street song. But never the less he escaped twice to run back.
It's hard to chase after a wayward todler when there are lots of other todlers afoot that you can not trample. Especially with a pregnant belly, a camerabag and a purse...

Joseph actually managed to get a second photo moment with Elmo (after all the other children had gotten their turn of course!) and we managed to leave the museum. My arms, my shoulders and my back were hurting!

By thie time it was evening, I felt too tired to cook. Luckily Friday is our vegetarian evening, and I had no more ambitious plans than vegetable soup. That should not have been hard. Vegetable soup is easy! Veggies, a potato, some stock, water, and letting it boil. Only for some weird reason I misjudged the water. I was getting frustrated. It was late. We should have eaten around 7 pm, maybe a bit later and it was getting close to eight. I offered my husband and child some cookies while they waited and felt like a failure.
While they munched on cookies, I blended the soup but it remained watery and apologized repeatedly to my husband who kept assuring me it was okay! I added more stock powder. It still didn't want to taste great and the texture remained less substantial than I wanted. I decided to try cornstarch, but that didn't seem to help either. Somehow I had developed tunnel vision. Wether or not I was a good wife and mother depended on this soup! Which halfway decent wife could not make vegetable soup and feed her family a healthy meal on time??
Maybe the cream I normally added would help. Maybe if I thickened the cream. After all.. it WAS heavy whipping cream, right? I whipped that cream with a tiny bit of the remaining corn starch/ soup liquid into a big fluffy mass.... which again took some muscle work. My poor biceps!!
Of course the nice fluffy cream immediately disolved into a thin white layer when I finally decided to serve the watery soup, with a thousand apologies. My husband kept saying that it was fine.

Only now, two hours after the soup was served and eaten, with Joseph slumbering peacefully in his bed, I can look back at myself and shake my head. What was I thinking? I had an exhausting day. A meal did not work out. I did my best. Nobody minded. I offer my family my love every single day. I offer them the best food I can give them. And if that soup ended up merely mediocre instead of good, well it certainly wasn't for lack of trying.
Being a good wife and mother is so much more than a bowl of soup. Somehow, I just lost sight of that for a few hours. And all it got me was sore arms and a bad mood. Would it not have been better to have served up the soup as it was, shrug and laugh about it and look in the pantry for extra popcorn for everyone?

The first day of school.... take two!

After the predicted heartbreaking farewell of Joseph's first day of school in the YMCA program, and the discovery that when I came to pick him up about 20 minutes early he was playing nicely... they told us at the end of that first schoolday that the program would cease to exist in less than two weeks time?
You can imagine how absolutely horrified I was, not as much because the program closed on us, but because they did not communicate this until AFTER the first day of school. With only four children enrolled they did not know this was a possibility the wednesday before at orientation? Or even that very morning when we went through all the difficulties of leaving our little boy in their hands for the very first time?

As upset as I was, I didn't have much time for anger, instead I had to find a new preschool program that still had a place open after the first day of school. Putting Joseph in preschool was not some offhanded decision. We truely considered his needs, his likes and dislikes, and what we wanted as a family. What I did not want was for Joseph to be away from mommy five days a week. Unfortunately, it seems that most preschool programs now operate on a five days a week basis. At two years old, he just seems to be too little for that. Luckily, I managed to find a preschool that still had openings. I read over their website, their core and value statements, their policies... and then I made the call. Unfortunately the answering machine picked up. The next day however, my beloved husband and I dropped by and found everything the way we wanted. A christian environment, experienced and kind staff, small groups and a lot of understanding, plus a two half day program.

So today, we repeated the heartbreaking scenario that every parent who sends their child off to school knows. Joseph cried as if we abandoned him in the desert. And of course we felt very bad. I kept my cellphone close by but resisted the urge to call the director who did her rounds every 35 minutes to hear how he was doing.
When I picked Joseph up, he was crying, but the teacher, Miss Mina, said that he had only just started crying together with some of the others when the first parents came for pick up. Aparently he had great fun. And... she had proof! Not only was there the picture Joseph had made (until you are a parent you can't really appreciate the loveliness of some random yellow lines on black paper!), there were the shapes he had glued, and the fingerprint he had made with paint, which had then been altered in a fish! And on top of that all... there were lots of pictures made with the digital camera in which I could see a smiling and very busy Joseph. When they told me they had played with bubbles outside, there was no more doubt in my mind. He had great fun.
That was confirmed when, upon leaving the building Joseph said: "Bye bye peaschool" "fu (n) peaschool!"

I am certain there will be some crying again next monday, but after a few more tries, I have the feeling he is going to ask about peaschool on days when it is 'just mommy!'.

Smart.. or smart alec?

Tomorrow is my little boys first half day at preschool. He is excited. I am nervous. It's such a big step. Of course he has been away from mommy before. Mimi Becky and Grandpa Bill, Ama Madeleine.. they have all watched Joseph from a few hours to a few days. Joseph has been absolutely fine and mommy and daddy have enjoyed the time together. There really is no reason to be nervous. Besides.. our little boy is pretty smart. He can count almost to twenty. He knows and recognizes the letters of the alphabet. And he is recently learning to say please. "Pweeee". Very endearing.

It is important to me that he learns certain things from a young age. Politeness in word and deed is what we are working on now. Of course a two year old doesn't automatically understand why he just can't wriggle up unto the seat of the cool fire truck in the museum and dislodge another child that way if it works and gets him the coveted seat behind the wheel. But he is learning and he starts to understand the phrases "wait' "wait your turn" and is slowly beginning to understand the concept of sharing.
One of the other things we have tried to teach him early is to be a good 'helper' to his mommy. Before he was a year and a half old Joseph 'helped' me with the laundry. Mommy pulled washed clothes out of the washing machine, gave them to Joseph and he helped by putting them in the dryer. When it is time to eat, Joseph takes out his own bowl and cutlery. And when he spills something he helps clean it up. He sometimes even helps mommy with cooking (he gets to stir when I bake a cake) or cleaning (with a little rag and a spray bottle of water). Of course mommy is very proud when he helps. She tells him he is a good mommy helper. She tells him that he is a big boy to help her like that. And tells him what a good boy he is when he helps and listens.

As you can see we have tried to instill certain words and values in him. Some days I think we have a long way to go. Some days I think I have thought him well. Some days I think I have thought him too well.
This evening, we were starting the before bed ritual. Joseph had had a bad, was in his jammies and about to watch sesame street when mommy noticed that all the blocks were still on the floor. Tidying up the blocks is something that Joseph will do, but mommy needs to remind him. So I told Joseph that he needed to put the "blocks in the box". Don't chores sound much more fun if they rhyme or are put on song?
Joseph however ignored mommy for Sesame Street that was about to begin. Mommy repeated the request. Joseph was still fascinated by the people who sponsor sesame street. Mommy was not about to be ignored though. So she cruelly pushed pause on the remote control and told Joseph once more to put the blocks in the box. This time I got the desired reaction. Joseph started to move and put the blocks away. Both mommy and daddy pronounced him a good boy. I watched him with tenderness as my not quite two year old diligently put blocks away.
Then he looked at me, utterly adorable and came to me with two blocks in his hands. He gently pushed them in my own, looked up and simply said "hep" (help), in the utter trust that now mommy would help him with HIS chores.

Bill and I laughed heartily and mommy did end up helping him as he put his blocks away. What can I say? He has.. people skills?