Friday, January 21, 2011

Some prayers please?

I hate to yell. I dislike people who yell. I even cringe in restaurants because I think the tone in which people all around us speak while having dinner is too loud. Needless to say I do never want to raise my children yelling. Now I don't speak of a frantic "STOP!" right before you see your child running unto the road. Clearly that is a moment where "Sweetheart, if you wouldn't mind slowing down a bit before the vehicle that is aproaching might accidentily crash into you." would be a bit too much. Though I have used similar sentences in advance explenations of why hands need to be held on parking lots and play in the front yard needs to remain on the grass. But that "STOP" example isn't what this post is about.

I have found myself, more frequently than I want, yelling at my boys. I don't call them names or say ugly things. I just shout at the top of my voice. I NEVER shout. I dislike.. I detest shouting. And yet here I am. I think I have shouted three times this week. And it's not about disobedience or horrible things that they do in and of itsself.

It's just those days when your baby woke up so you didn't get a good night sleep, morning routine went wrong, so you didn't even have a shower, you tried brushing your teeth while keeping someone from running the faucet constantly in the sink enxt to you and putting toothpaste on his brush five times over... And you promise yourself that you will deal with everything with Grace. And you pray to God to give you enough patience that day.
And all through the day all those little things seems to go wrong, and then it is early afternoon and you need to go to the toilet, but you need to get the baby out of the carseat first even though that means you have to wake him when he finally fell asleep which you know will ruin his naptime later, and then your todler decides that he wants to climb over to the front seat... and you already burned your fingertips earlier in the day, trying to get something out of the toaster and because somebody spilled juice all over themselves just before you had to leave you have been almost late at a doctor's appointment and after the appointment you ended up on your knees trying to get the cheerios that the baby overturned from underneath the chairs in the waiting room, while keeping an eye on your todler who wants to play with a little girl who is being ignored by her mother and keeps pushing him away and the baby on your hip is howling and the nurse finally comes out with the prescription you need and you try to get them all out of there, and then you sit in the car and you realize you need to go to the toilet yourself , but you can't just unstrap everybody, so you try to get home. And the todler that you are trying to potty train poops in his diaper for the three thousand time and fills the car with stench. And of course every light is red, and ... you just.. can't seem to handle one more thing... and then one more thing happens. And then you yell: GET OUT OF THE CAR! NOW!

And I don't want to yell. But I get so stressed. It's not a matter of yelling to get him to obey, it is just.. pure pent up frustration.

So I ask you to join your prayers with mine for more.. understanding.. ease.. and gentleness towards my children. Because there will be more of those days, many more, and the only thing that can change in them is me.

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