Friday, January 29, 2010

alea iacta est: the dice has been thrown

Well, it seems I will need a C section. This morning I had a visit to the 'high risk' Obgyn practice that now takes over the remainder of my care during this pregnancy. With the baby being firmly breech and, due to his weight, unlikely to turn anymore, a C section is apparently the safest option for both mommy and baby. I really had hoped for a completely natural delivery this time. I had made arrangements with the doctor and the hospital to be allowed to labor in water and was about to order my little birthing pool when something inside me told me to wait for the ultrasound.

I have mixed feelings. I am grateful of course that there is this option, that we know in advance and can make arrangements and that this time I will have lots of help after the birth for almost a month. And yet I feel also dissapointed, and as if somehow I have failed to provide this baby with the best possible start. I do not know how I could have done more though. According to the doctor I controlled my gestational diabetes extremely well, my numbers were excellent throughout pregnancy and in my mind I KNOW I did everything I could. Emotionally though, something inside me is still nagging that I must have done something wrong.
I am trying to get past that feeling and to focus on the arrival of the new baby and the gratitude that he and I will be safe and well taken care of.

Thank God for doctors.


Caeseria said...

Yes, thank God for doctors!!! Really important thing to know before labor begins!!!
I won't call a c-section "no biggie" because of course it's major surgery (I had one, for drastic emergency reasons), but were I thou, I would focus on how blessed we are to live in an age when women don't routinely DIE from such procedures. It's not as if you have hardly any control over the baby's size, positioning, and other factors. There is absolutely nothing you can do if the baby is big and determined to come out backwards.
They make post-partum support belt-like things - they're sold at Babies R Us, I don't know where else - that provide firm, even pressure over and around your incision. For me, it made it a lot more comfortable. They're all elastic and fasten with velcro. I could send you mine, if you like! I'm apparently not getting pregnant again any time soon!

Elizabeth said...

Sorry to hear you will have to have a C-section, but as Caeseria said, it's a good thing that we do have this life-saving option nowadays. I don't think anything the mother does or does not do has anything to do with whether the baby is breech or not. The important thing is that you already love this child and are ready to receive it into your arms and your heart!

Our youngest is now -- gasp -- twenty-six years old!! While I still have vivid, happy memories of my children's labors and nursing periods, naturally, they don't remember those things. But, they are healthy, happy, happily married to wonderful mates, and have good memories from their growing up years.

Caeseria said...

Also a note - lay down a LOT afterward. Don't make the mistake I made and let overly-eager friends take you out to Olive Garden your first night out of the hospital to have an "a century ago, you'd both be dead!" party. That did not end well for my recently-bisected muscles.
Also, unless they have to cut in two directions as they did on me, you CAN then go on to deliver vaginally your next time. It's no longer "once a c-section, always a c-section" if they cut sideways instead of up and down.

Kate said...

Oh sweetheart! Don't let the enemy discourage you in any way. Rejoice in the life the Lord created inside you. Rejoice that He's provided you with doctors to bring baby safely into the world and get you safely through the process as well. Praise the Lord that you did well despite having gestational diabetes. Remember that many a Godly mother has gone through c-sections. Go to any playground or nursery and tell me which ones were naturally delivered and which ones were c-sections. Betcha can't tell! So don't worry and just enjoy this, every minute of it!