Well, it seems I will need a C section. This morning I had a visit to the 'high risk' Obgyn practice that now takes over the remainder of my care during this pregnancy. With the baby being firmly breech and, due to his weight, unlikely to turn anymore, a C section is apparently the safest option for both mommy and baby. I really had hoped for a completely natural delivery this time. I had made arrangements with the doctor and the hospital to be allowed to labor in water and was about to order my little birthing pool when something inside me told me to wait for the ultrasound.
I have mixed feelings. I am grateful of course that there is this option, that we know in advance and can make arrangements and that this time I will have lots of help after the birth for almost a month. And yet I feel also dissapointed, and as if somehow I have failed to provide this baby with the best possible start. I do not know how I could have done more though. According to the doctor I controlled my gestational diabetes extremely well, my numbers were excellent throughout pregnancy and in my mind I KNOW I did everything I could. Emotionally though, something inside me is still nagging that I must have done something wrong.
I am trying to get past that feeling and to focus on the arrival of the new baby and the gratitude that he and I will be safe and well taken care of.
Thank God for doctors.