Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Am I an older or a younger woman?

Today I was mixing cake batter and started to ponder. I ponder many a thing when I bake or clean. It's just such a wonderful occasion to let the mind go in free flow. I started wondering about verses in Scripture. I am having a lot of Scripture on my mind lately.... This time, for some un cake related reason, I was pondering Titus 3-5.

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,
so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

While putting in the eggs a question all of a sudden struck me: am I an older woman, or a younger woman? It's a weird thing to ponder about while you are having your hands in the cake batter, but it wouldn't leave my mind... There is this big divide it seems that I have crossed over somewhere in the last five years and I can't exactly put my finger on it when it happened.

I have long thought of myself as a 'young adult', one of those fun labels that marketing people have invented to find out how to make you buy more things. First I was a teenager, when you think you are an adult. Then I was a student, when you should be getting ready to become an adult. And then I was hovering around for a while as a 'young adult' trying to find my place in life, and still young enough to get the discounts that many educational or cultural places provide for people they want to lure in before they have a decent income in the hope that they will stay when they can better affored to pay their own way.
There was this unspoken divide it seems in which I always thought of myself at the side of the young, the children, the ones that were learning to become...
The first signs that I might be on the bridge of that divide was when I became a teacher. I had thought that students might have trouble accepting my authority since I was so young. But in their eyes I had long crossed over into the adult world already.

I let the baby that was literally clinging to my skirt lick the spoon and stir the mixture, and realised that since then, in three very short years I've experienced courtship, marriage, a move far away from my mother, and now motherhood of my own.
I say baby but even that isn't right... I have a young todler on my hands.
Of course I have so much to learn still, and there are many older woman from whom I wish to glean every bit of knowledge that I can find. But at the same time there are young girls that are now looking at me for what I can offer them.
I am starting to feel older in the most wonderful sense of the word. I am slowly going from blossom to fruit in this new season. Hopefully each day will make me sweeter to others.

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