Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Need some help (sensitive post)
So I had another ultrasound, and it turns out that I am two weeks further than they said I was. (I TOLD them so!)
It also turned out that the baby was a boy. While I know I shouldn't care at all and that my main focus should be on a healthy baby, I feel really dissapointed that this isn't a girl. I am, as you probably know if you read this blog, probably the most girly girl there is. I feel like my whole life I have been prepared to mother a little girl. I am also the first daughter of a first daughter, of a first daughter... all strong, special, kind, womanly women who passed on something to their daughters that can not be passed on to sons. Plus, I just want tea sets and pretty dresses and a child that is interested in some of the things that I am interested in. *chuckles* I love Joseph, and am interested in him and what he does, but trains and cars and dinosaurs and climbing... hmmm...
Considering my age and other practical circumstances, this might very well be our last child, though one never knows what God will decide. Anyhow, even IF there would be a third child, there would not be a guarantee that that is a girl. Besides... I want to rejoyce in this baby. Not the next.
Please... do not tell me how wonderful boys are. I HAVE a wonderful boy. Everybody who reads this blog knows how much I adore my wonderful boy. I also know that they will be friends. THough I honestly think they might be friends too if the next one was a girl.
I am asking two things of you if you read this: first.. pray for me. There are some things going on with me physically that I prefer not to speak of in such a private forum that make me over react to what is in reality is a little dissapointing, but no big deal. After all.. I love the little boy I already have, so two little boys will just mean twice the love. I just need to.. get there. But as I said, there are some physical things going on that are giving me serious trouble.
Secondly, do you know of some sites that are exclusively aimed at boys clothing and NICE boy clothing. Not just you know.. green onesies with a blue border and a giraffe that are supposed to be cute? I want to look at more.. elegant boy pictures, if that makes any sense.
Do you know any ways at all to help make me actually feel how special this little baby boy is going to be? I just keep having this horrible, horrible 'heir and a spare' feeling, and of course I am racked with guilt over feeling that way.