Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Need some help (sensitive post)

So I had another ultrasound, and it turns out that I am two weeks further than they said I was. (I TOLD them so!)
It also turned out that the baby was a boy. While I know I shouldn't care at all and that my main focus should be on a healthy baby, I feel really dissapointed that this isn't a girl. I am, as you probably know if you read this blog, probably the most girly girl there is. I feel like my whole life I have been prepared to mother a little girl. I am also the first daughter of a first daughter, of a first daughter... all strong, special, kind, womanly women who passed on something to their daughters that can not be passed on to sons. Plus, I just want tea sets and pretty dresses and a child that is interested in some of the things that I am interested in. *chuckles* I love Joseph, and am interested in him and what he does, but trains and cars and dinosaurs and climbing... hmmm...

Considering my age and other practical circumstances, this might very well be our last child, though one never knows what God will decide. Anyhow, even IF there would be a third child, there would not be a guarantee that that is a girl. Besides... I want to rejoyce in this baby. Not the next.
Please... do not tell me how wonderful boys are. I HAVE a wonderful boy. Everybody who reads this blog knows how much I adore my wonderful boy. I also know that they will be friends. THough I honestly think they might be friends too if the next one was a girl.

I am asking two things of you if you read this: first.. pray for me. There are some things going on with me physically that I prefer not to speak of in such a private forum that make me over react to what is in reality is a little dissapointing, but no big deal. After all.. I love the little boy I already have, so two little boys will just mean twice the love. I just need to.. get there. But as I said, there are some physical things going on that are giving me serious trouble.
Secondly, do you know of some sites that are exclusively aimed at boys clothing and NICE boy clothing. Not just you know.. green onesies with a blue border and a giraffe that are supposed to be cute? I want to look at more.. elegant boy pictures, if that makes any sense.
Do you know any ways at all to help make me actually feel how special this little baby boy is going to be? I just keep having this horrible, horrible 'heir and a spare' feeling, and of course I am racked with guilt over feeling that way.


CRICKET said...

I actually felt that way the first time around, I wanted a girl and had a boy. The feeling did go away. We all dream of what a "perfect" family means to us and sometimes those dreams need to be modified.

I will send happy, positive healthy thought your way.

As for boys clothing, I am not a big fan of t-shirts or silly phrases, trucks etc on clothes. I dress my son in polo shirts, oxfords, vests, pea coats etc. If you like preppy its pretty easy to find these kind of clothes in all stores from Old Navy, Gap, Janie and Jack (favorite) and outlets stores like TJ Maxx carry Ralph Lauren.

~SHANNON~ said...

You have my prayers. And I'm sending you virtual hugs. I know I've seen a lot of super adorable baby boys clothing- but I'm not sure where so I'll let the mom's of boys lead you in the right direction. As the mom of a girl, I think all the time about how I'd just love to have a boy next. I think it's natural to want to experience both sexes. Don't let that impulse make you feel guilt or shame. You will love this new baby boy more than life, as soon as he arrives. And it's okay not to be at that place yet. As I said, will keep you and your health in my prayers:)

Wykate said...

Sending hugs your way and prayers heaven-ward.

(I have a meditation in mind, which may be helpful, but I am not at my home computer, and must leave soon. I hope to be back tonight).


Caeseria said...

You have my prayers as well! I will go hunting for a NICE boys clothing site. It would be useful for me as well. I have the one son, and we're trying to get pregnant again, but part of me wants to adopt a girl first just to make sure we have one. Sound silly? In my husband's family, the only girl is his mom. His grandparents had a son and a daughter, the son has had sons, the daughter has had sons, husband's brother has a son, and we have... a son. Grandma is really jonesing for a girl. But we may never have one. I may never get pregnant again, for that matter, but that's another story. I'm not sure if it matters to me so much - I guess I'll find out whether or not it does the next time I get pregnant, and they tell me it's another boy! But it does matter to her, and so I'd love to give her a great-granddaughter.
I'll look on Etsy for boys clothing!
Hugs, hugs, hugs!

jesuisdiana said...

So sorry for your disappointment but "this too shall pass" you have every right to feel how you feel, but just think how wonderful it will be for Joseph to have a brother - there's also a special bond there too between brothers so you can be happy for that while
being sad for yourself

Karen said...

Ohhhh sending hugs your way. Having had girls upon girls upon girls and then finally a boy, I was the opposite of your situation.

Now speaking from the medical side, I have to remind you that while ultrasounds are great - it is a part of medicine which we are still practicing. I was told and saw for myself what appeared to be male anatomy on an ultrasound and that particular child is the "girliest" girl I have!!

Only God knows the plans he has for YOU and He will provide you with the peace for which you seek!


Emma said...

I love Janie and Jack for really cute boys clothes... While the prices might make you woozy, check the sales rack if you have a local store. My sister has scooped up a bunch for great things for us at remarkable prices (like ones at walmart!).

I'll be thinking about you Eva!