Why I love my husband. I can probably write a whole host of reasons why I love my husband, and I remember quite clearly the moment I tumbled completely in love with him: over a game of trivial persuit at my mothers house. Only a mind as quirky as my husband would be able not only to win the departemental election prediction pool.... but also to write an acceptance speech afterwards, worthy of any real political candidate. Without further ado, I give you this historic speech.
My fellow Americans (and appropriately credentialed resident aliens),
At times like these, one is humbled by the immense opportunities of this great land of ours. In no other country on this earth would our Founding Fathers have been able to design an electoral system so deliberately complicated as the one we enjoy today. Therefore, I can only be thankful to live in a country that allows us not only to create a challenging election pool, but would allow a mere news junkie like me to rise to the top of this group.
The last couple weeks of this campaign have been hard on all of us. In particular, I’d like to thank my wonderful wife Eva and my son Joseph for supporting me through countless hours of CNN political coverage and web surfing. Without their help, I never would have learned all of the trivial and useless information that made this day possible. I’d also like to thank my colleagues, especially John Gordanier, for suggesting many days ago that I should enter in to this Presidential contest. I’d also be remiss to leave out former Vice-President Al Gore, without whom I would not have access to the Internet and would otherwise have to spend time on more productive pursuits.
Finally, I must also extend a warm hand of thanks to Senators McCain and Obama. Their campaigns were hard-fought at times, but even as Election Day neared, they remained largely predictable. For that, we should all be grateful, no matter what our political preferences.
Now, we must look to the future. The challenges ahead of us are great, but I have faith that we can all put this quadrennial obsession that we call democracy behind us. With trust in our ability to focus on the present, I sincerely expect that we will be up to not discussing the next election until at least January of 2010.
May God bless us all, and may God continue to bless America.