Be soft of voice..

The signature line I use on message boards or other ways to communicate on the internet is always the same: "Be soft of voice and gentle of bearing.."
Somehow that sentence seems to radiate with people because I often get questions about it. Where does it come from? It's the beginning line of the following poem, which to me, describes what I want to be as a woman:

Be soft of voice
and gentle of bearing
be kind of heart
and tender of hands

be bright as the morn
and still as the evening
within you they'll find
God's love reborn.


It's a reminder to myself of what I should be. Of course I fall short more often than I would like to. But over the years that little poem has had a profound influence on me. I remember as a teenager priding myself in a razorsharp wit that could cut people to the quick if they were being 'stupid'. And in truth, if I do not keep a strong hand on the reigns of my tongue, sometimes a sharp analyses of someones actions, understanding, or opinions would fall out. I am working towards ridding not just my tongue from these unkind words, but over time I hope my heart as well will simply banish such thoughts as unworthy. That doesn't mean becoming blind to other peoples faults, but simply not feeling the need to dwell upon them, not feeling the desire to point them out unless in the greatest love and in a way that for them is not humiliating but helpful.
We all know some people who delight in "telling it like it is" "calling a spade a spade" and "I say this with great love, but what you are doing is ..." and so on. Calling a spade a spade is great for gardening tools, but people are somewhat different.

There are countless quotes in the bible that show God's desire for us to speak kindly, with foretought and without malice or even anger. Just to give you a few, here are some examples:

Psalm 34:13
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.

Proverbs 22:11
He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend.

Ephesians 4:29;31
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers... Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Psalm 19:14
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Phillipians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I am not there yet, but I have made progress. My students, when I taught highschool a few years ago commented on the fact that I was "always in a good mood" and had "such patience". I was glad they could not look into my heart every single day, because I often felt impatient. My words however and the way I spoke them seemed at least to show them the reflection of something more beautiful. And that 'something' I believe is the Lord at work within me.

Of course, the Lord asks for my cooperation with this great work he is doing within me, and some days it feels like a lot of hard work. But recently... I have been getting some more unexpected rewards through a little mirror. It actually brings to mind yet another quote:

Proverbs 23:15-16
My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad; my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right

At twenty seven months, Joseph is in many things a little mirror. He likes to help us, he likes to mimic what we are doing, and above all when he speaks, my husband and I can find our own phrases and words sounding back to us. This goes from little phrases like "Yay, it fits" when we are doing puzzles, to even the intonation of the "muhuh" that I sometimes use as a murmur of assent if I am trying to agree with something but have my mouth full of food or do not want to interrupt my husband while he is speaking. When I dropped a cup of orange juice and let out a cry of dismay followed by a "Oh, silly mommy!" I found Joseph gleefully repeating "silly, silly mommy" and I had to smile. Because I realized that "silly mommy" is probably the worst word he can pick up here in this house. That and "stupid computer", which is only aimed at the machine in front of me in utter frustration when it refuses to work. Still... I'ld like to get that one out of my vocabulary too. There is no need for Joseph to start labeling things as 'stupid', just because I am impatient when the computer locks up.
It is wonderful however to hear our little word mirror say things like "How are you, sweetie?" when dadda comes home, and while we chuckle and tell him to say "how are you, dadda?" to realize that what he picks up in this house are terms of endearment. That the songs he hears are alphabet songs and allelujah's, Berlioz and songs that actually have a melody and can be repeated before anyone without us blushing.

I find a reward now, that I never would have thought to have in seeing my son pick up our words and mimic our behaviour towards others. He is two, and a rough and tumble, high energy boy, but there is often such tenderness in some of his gestures that I can only praise God for what he is working in me, and fulfilling in my son.

No anxiety....

Phil 4:6-9

Brothers and sisters:
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
make your requests known to God.
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious,
if there is any excellence
and if there is anything worthy of praise,
think about these things.
Keep on doing what you have learned and received
and heard and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will be with you.

This was last weeks reading in Church. In these times with the news reports of the economy in a daily crisis mode, it is no wonder that people get anxious. And even when there is no national emergency on the agenda, it is easy to get overwhelmed in your daily life: whether at your job, amidst the children, the demands of ministry of family, of friends...
Sometimes it seems as if everything threathens to fall over us like a giant cresting wave.
Be not afraid runs like a red thread through the entire bible. One of my favorite quotes is the following:

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:26-28

This peace is not a denial of fear, nor a promise of a worry free existence. It doesn't mean: you don't need to do anything, God will not let anything touch you. We know of many Godly people who have known great suffering. In the bible we can immediately point to Job but just looking around you may show you several wonderful people who are living the Word and following the Holy Spirit through a very difficult path, whether it is illness, job loss, depression, family tragedies... or all of those.
Is "let not your hearts be troubled" then a command that we need to follow? Or is it more a fatherly reassurance that despite our fears, He will still be there. God does not promise us an easy path, He promises that He is there with you. In a way this is reflected in the promise we give at our wedding day. I recently saw a wedding on tv where the couple had written their own vows and the groom vowed to the bride that he would make her happy all the days of her life. It was very sincere and heartfelt, and certainly well meant, but I could not help but thinking... that is not a promise he can make. What if something horrible happens? What if they have a child that dies... what of the day when they lose another loved one... what of the day she loses a job, or they have a fight... he will not make her happy then. But what he can do is ... be there. He can promise to be there always, he can promise her that whatever she does, whatever life throws at her, he will be at her side.
Marriage here on earth is almost an analogy of the relationship between Christ and his Church. His "do not afraid" is not a false promise of an easy, happy days life. It is a promise of the simple happiness of knowing that whatever happens, in Christ, you are not forsaken. His name "Jahweh" simply means "I am".
Amidst our worries and working, it is wonderful to stop and stand still, thinking of His forever presence at our sides.

Let's bring back elegance (May 11, 2007)

While I was in my teens, I despaired over the future of elegance. It seemed that the entire world had begun to strive for a pure utilitarism. It was hard to find anything that had an aspect of beauty and simplicity added to it's function. Luckily the trend quickly faded and more and more people were trying to re instate elegance within their lives. Today, there are considerable options to lead an elegant life without breaking the bank. But what is elegance? Many in the past have considered elegance or tried to define it, as you can see here and here in these quotes. Although defining elegance is trying to capture something that in essence is undefinable, for me these two words are always at the core elegance: beauty and simplicity.
While going all out for Christmas or the holidays, I try to bring a bit of elegance back into my everyday life in small ways. The first and most visible probably is the way I dress. I prefer skirts, or dresses, flowing fabrics, not too much fuss and no big, splashy patterns. Kittens or Mickey on a sweater might be cute, but they rarely spell out 'elegance'. Elegance does not need to be expensive. It is a matter of consciously defining your own style. Look at magazines, look at historic costume and decide what suits you in colour, cut and pattern, then stick to buying these things, even if you find something that is rather sweet but that just does not fit the image that you have chosen for yourself.
Aside from clothes, there are many ways to bring elegance into a home without so overwhelming it with feminity that your husband finds it uncomfortable. Having an entire flower covered sofa might not be your husbands style, but few men object to having a vase or so of real flowers here and there. Maybe the day to day china is a plain white, but adding a candle to the table and some nice napkins immediately makes a difference. Cloth napkins immediately give a special air to your table, but nice paper ones can add a nice touch as well if cloth is too difficult to manage on a day to day basis. Still... consider to make sunday dinner perhaps a touch more special and formal, it can be a treat for your senses and a great oportunity to teach your children.
The way you carry yourself, the things you surround yourself with, the way you look at and aproach day to day situations, the things that fill your free time, all can offer oportunities to add elegance to your life, if you are alert to them.

Joseph Recommends...

He started early..

One of the most fun things of the summer for me, has been 'working' with Joseph.  Yes, I used air quotes, because it doesn't feel like working.  Except when he is in a mood and doesn't want to do anything, because then it feels like a lot of work telling him "I don't care.  This is your job." This usually happens when we talk about cleaning up his room.  Like mother, like son?
Just making things clear before we start, Joseph is NOT studying this whole summer.  We spend half an hour to an hour per day, most often in two segments, working on a summer bridge book.  The rest of the time is for free play, crafting, running around like a loon, playing with balloons, doing flying sock monster, making cards, talking, Lego's, museums, and so on.  A lot of Joseph's ideas of fun are quite like his mommy: he loves to read (a lot, especially at night) and he is enthralled by his new robot set.  

After he graduated Kindergarten he got a reward: his brand new, first library card. Joseph and the library have a complex relationship. He LOVES the library.  However he hates to return the books.  If it was up to him, he would keep any book he likes. I feel more sympathy now for my own mother in trying to keep up with my voracious reading habit, though it is strange to think that at Joseph's age, I was barely be able to read more than a primer.

At my advice Joseph went to the library with a list.  When he was younger, I told him that Libraries are magic and that Librarians are magicians.  Whatever he wants to know more about, a librarian will be able to find him a book.  I will admit he gave them a challenge this time.  A book about Dinosaurs would have been pretty easy, but he wanted to know why trains run on tracks, how planes stay in the air, and one or two things about numbers.  He came home with ten books.  The dinosaur book got lost in the shuffle at the library, but there were two books about the history of trains.   They were not very successful. Or as Joseph just said himself: "I just got lost in the number books."  He certainly did.  There was a book about forces.  How a push or a pull is a force.  How moving an object means a force is applied.  What friction is, etc.  With experiments to match (like bowing a pebble, a cotton ball and a car and see which moves easiest) the book was interesting and easy to grasp, and he liked it.  But his absolute favorites were the 'number books'.   When I asked him which books he wanted to recommend, he brought these three down:

"On beyond a million.  An Amazing Math Journey." by David M. Schwartz.  We will definitely be looking for more of this author.  Joseph loves it because "it teaches you about really huge numbers"  It deals with exponents, and numbers beyond a million.  It also teaches you that Gazillion is not a real number but just a fun way of saying lots and lots, that you can never count to infinity and that there are always bigger numbers.

"Can you count to a Googol" by Robert E. Wells is another favorite. It deals with much the same subject but is a little bit more easy and there is nothing mentioned about exponents.  Just really big numbers.

"Big Numbers and pictures that show just how BIG they are." by Edward Packard is also about really big numbers.  It's written very easily but it does include the very basics of what exponents are.  

I did encourage Joseph to get one book down as well, which he has also enjoyed very much, called "That's a possibility.  A book about what might happen." By Bruce Goldstone.  It starts out very easy about the meaning of possible and impossible, but then delves further into probable, improbable and even in odds.  It's a really good beginner's book for analyzing chances on the most basic level.

So there you have it. Joseph recommends.. if you have kids to read these books with them.  If you don't have kids.. sneak in the library and read them yourself.  That's my recommendation, because he's right.  These books are FUN.  

Joseph quotes

Joseph (calling out to me): Mrs. Butterfly? I just need to stay here and lay down. Because there need to be many butterflies coming out, so I need to lay some more eggs.
 .........

 Me (enthusiast voice): Who wants to take a bath?
Joseph: not me! Not me!!
Me: Joseph, you have to take a bath. You are dirty.
Joseph: Noooo!! I don't want to take a bath. I don't want to.
Me: Joseph, you have to take a bath.
Joseph: Noooooo!!!!
Me: Yes, you do. Boys who do not take a bath do not get to play with Ipads, kindles or anything with a screen.
Joseph (tugging at his buttons and dropping his shorts simultaniously): help me! Help me!!


 .........
 "Joseph! Did you just hit your brother on the head with a book?!"
"No. It was a piano."