Melancholy...

I've blogged a lot lately about my wonderful life. And it is. I love being a wife. I love being a mom. I am exactly where I want to be and have to be at this point in my life. Yet I want to insert a post now and again to avoid hanging up a picture of roses and cream that isn't real.

Sometimes... it's not as fun.

Most of the day went by okay. We did spend a frantic half hour this morning looking for a lost dvd that needed to get back in the mail. And just after we had finally given in and called the dvd rental company to just bill us for it, we found it. It appeared that someone, whose name I will not mention but whom I believe to be taking his liquids from a sippy cup, managed to get his hands on it and dump it behind the tv. We contacted the rental company and all was well.
The rest of the day went by well enough, but... busy. One of those days in which even your todler free time seems to be stuck with lots of little duties and you are just looking forward to doing something fun and happy.

The highpoint of the day however was going to be a treat. A former collegue of my husband and his wife, a couple that we had gotten closer to while both husbands were working together, were back in town. And they were going to hang out with another collegue who invited us all. I looked forward to chatting with them again and I envisioned an evening of fun, talking, and playing 'oooh... he is so adorable' with Joseph. I loaded a big bag full of toys, snacks, books and a sippy cup as well as diapers and wipes to make sure I was prepared for everything.

I was, except for the idea that my son would go into hyper energetic overdrive for some reason, in a magnificent house full of antiques, expensive electronics and other child magnets.
Instead of reconnecting with the group, my husband and I alternated and often even had to play double sentry, in guarding a 16 month old acrobat who for seemed to have morphed into a flying derwish.

While Joseph certainly usually is a very active little fellow, this kind of over kinetic behaviour was foreign to me. I skidded in my pumps over the beautifully polished floor, grabbing tile coasters from cute little side table, folding away tablecloths, grasping for video game remote controls and stopping him fifty times or more from climbing halfway up the winding stairs, sticking his hands through the bannister and flipping the lightswitch that was now within his reach like a disco ball. I guarded potpourri, put books that were stacked artistically on coffee tables on shelves and generally tried to be a living shield between my usually pretty careful son and the realm of destruction.

Everyone was very supportive, very kind, and very understanding. But I was unable to have any conversation that lasted longer than 30 seconds. I managed to finish half of a cup of sage tea, after it had gotten cold, and stuffed a brownie in my mouth while another woman held on for dear life to the arm of my todler who was throwing a fit because he wasn't allowed to run back to the stairs.
Here was this group of fun, well educated people, with great lives, that I used to belong to less than two years ago. And now I didn't even manage a simple conversation with them. Most of my conversation consisted of 'what?' (not even the much more elegant "excuse me" or "I'm sorry, I must have missed it, what were you saying? which I used to utter when I had missed part of a conversation) while I tried to prevent another disaster or allow my husbands a few minutes of peace while he talked with his collegues.

I wanted to sit down and talk, to laugh about the eighties video games that were uploaded. To look in amazement at the Planet Earth DVD's they were playing. Instead, I felt alienated, lonely and ackward and sad.

I came home and I looked at our house, beautiful too and full of potential, but with plastic todler furniture in the middle of our living room as an eyesore of a contrast to our pretty leather sofa. With some toys that we missed during pick up time laying around here and there. And some stuff hastily crammed out of reach on higher shelves as a growing todler reaches a new level. I see baby wipes on top of the tv, and no side tables with pretty little knick-knacks because anything within reach is fair game for a todler who is just learning about boundaries.

On a day like today, it is good that I have memories of last tuesday, when I just had to tackle, tickle and kiss him senseless because I realised I am the luckiest woman in the world, with a wonderful husband, insanely cute baby, and the best job in the world. Because today, it does not feel like it.
And that's okay. Today will become tomorrow, and I will giggle at his antics, be in utter admiration as Joseph discovers a new word, and think when I snatch half an hour of knitting during naptime... ahhh, this is the life. Just not today.

Why I love blogs... follow the rabbit trail

Today I went over to visit Emma who has one of my favorite blogs. As always I enjoyed her posts, and followed a link to "A quiet simple learning life" another charming blog, about a written morning message. I was rather interested, because an art easel is the next thing on my wish list for our cute little boy. This seemed like something I could easily fit into my evening routine, even after following our little tornado all day.
Of course if you find a blog with an interesting idea, you can not just read that one post. Who knows what little gems you might miss otherwise, right? So I usually at least skim over the first page of posts if I discover a new interesting blog.
In the second post, a learning room was mentioned. Now doesn't that sound interesting?
How could I resist a peek? Following the link, I was lead to a third blog, "By sun and candlelight" which has indeed THE most charming 'learning room' I have ever seen.
I am not an official homeschooling mom. But I am a mom who is teaching her 16 month old wherever I can. AND.... I have a completely empty room in the front of the house. Can you hear the little wheels turn in my head?

When we were looking for a new home, we found this house, which is perfect in almost every way, except that it was a bit too big for us. Still, with a price well within our budget, a national blue ribon winning school district, a big yard, a lovely house move in ready and even decorated in colours that we liked, we counted ourselves blessed. We still do. And having 'too much room' absolutely is a luxury problem.
Currently we have two empty front rooms. One of them will contain a dining room by Christmas. The other for now is designated as 'library' which means that it contains two scruffy, 'moved-too-many-times' overfilled bookcases. And that's it.

Here is how the room looked under the previous owners.



Does it not look like a perfect place for a learning room? At this point, my sixteen month old has not mastered the art yet of sitting still and doing something for a few minutes without mommy having to make a lunge to grab him. I admit, that is exagerated. In fact he can sit for an extremely long time and focus on something, like a buckle, a book or a pair of shoelaces. But sitting on a chair and doing puzzles seems to still be a bit of a stretch.
Still, it won't be long before he wants to sit and colour a bit. Or play with play dough. I think it would be a wonderful idea to have that room reserved for 'quiet learning activities'. It would not need much. A few new nice bookshelves, perhaps my rocker for alphabet books on mommies lap, and a table with a nice booster seat. I want to keep it a room without running around or starting sixteen things at the same time. A room with a bit of order and discipline. And a room for priviledge.

At this age, Joseph learns from everything he does, whether it is taking out the tupperware, poking a stick in the grass or following mommy's finger as she points out a squirrel. But would it not be lovely to have a special room for dedicated learning activities when he is just a bit older? Maybe a room to start the day in with a look at an easel? I am tempted. Oh so tempted.

"Joseph two sock falls in the pool"

We are working on verbal skills with my little cutie. He understands more and more each day and his own vocabulary grows with leaps and bounds even though he does not see the need yet it seems for words of more than one syllable. At 16 months that's exactly where he should be, but I so want to talk with him. Though people tell me that in a year I will want him to just be quiet. I can imagine. It is said I drove my parents near the brink of insanity with the use of a single word "why"? I would say why to everything, from the statement that we were going somewhere to the remark that a bird was flying.
I try to talk to Joseph as much as possible, and preferably in Dutch. I want him to grow up bilingual, but if I have just finished a conversation in English or have been reading or writing in English, quit often I mix in English words.
Yesterday I decided a little experiment.

I told Joseph we were going outside. To which he enthousiastically replied 'Buh.. buh' (from buiten, the Dutch word for outside). But of course he needed to get dressed first. I thought a little experiment was in order so I told him to 'go get your socks and bring them to mommy'. I barely needed to repeat it, and he brought me one sock. Then, after some more prodding, he brought another sock. From a different pair. It WAS a sock though, so since we were only going into the garden, I put the two different socks on and named him 'Joseph two sock' for the occasion.

The weather was just warm enough not to be glaringly uncomfortable and I was planning on trying a few rounds on my testswatch of knitting in the round on DPNS (isn't it cool to use lingo. The scary DPNS acronym stands for the even scarier double pointed needles). We stayed outside for just over ten minutes though because someone whom I shall not name but who was wearing mismatched socks, decided that the pool needed closer examining.
THe pool is covered with a tarp at this time of year, but the cover has slid back a bit with recent winds, so one can see the water underneath and some leaves floating in.

Hmmm... curious todler, floating leaves and water. Yes, that's a recipe for adventure. He bend close. I stayed closer. He reached in to play with floating leaves or splash the water. I stayed closer. He 'decided' to slide into the frigid water. I was there! Grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and had him out before he could wet more than one shoe and the cuff of his pants. Bless his heart! (I am starting to sound Southern, am I not?)

Joseph seemed pretty confused when I thought this little escapade was reason for us to get back inside. ahhh.. my little boy is exploring the world!

Wordless Wednesday

Commitment to loveliness

Emma offers us a new challenge in her commitment to loveliness. Small things really do change a life. So this week I will focus on the following things to allow more loveliness in my own life:

- I will drink more water!
- I will use a bit of make up.
- I will remember to put on jewelry
- I will clean the floor at least every other day
- Make an appointment with the dentist

Courtship and marriage

English is not my first language. And I became fluent in English mostly through reading historical fiction and medieval roleplay. It's no wonder that my language may have a little 'antique finish' to it. Sometimes I am aware of this, but I chose to use the words anyhow, because modern language often seems empoverished compared to the richness I find in expressions that have long fallen by the wayside in every day use. Sometimes I use a word that has long gone out of style with many people without realizing it. My beloved husband pointed out that 'courtship' is a word like that. And that there are a lot of misunderstandings about it.
Courtship used to be the period in which a young man singled a young woman out for special, romantic attention. The end goal was marriage and though no commitment was made in courtship itsself 'stringing somone along' just for the fun of it was frowned upon.

Several people with a more conservative mindset use the word courtship nowadays to describe their ideas on the path to marriage and romance, and my view is only one of them. I admit that I stumbled on the path of courtship more or less by accident. I didn't go out at an early life but that was not really by a religious design and more due to a complicated home life.
Of course I missed romance in my life, and I wanted to have 'my share'. In hindsight, I think I am grateful for what others might considers missed chances. But hindsight is perfect and at the time I sat at home, envying girls who were having dates and young men interested in giving lots of romantic attention to them. How much more wonderful would life be, I thought if I had someone special at my side all the time. I didn't realise then how true it was that someone at your side does make life more wonderful, but that these early relationships are often not serious, that they are aimed at the idea of romance alone and not at the idea of 'ever after' with it's less romantic moments as well.



When I met my husband, both of us were looking 'for real'. At the age of 28, we were both looking for forever so neither of us wanted to waste time on any relationship that was not aimed at marriage. I believe that courtship is the period in which you get to know someone you are romantically interested better than before to see if marriage will be the outcome. Before courtship, there is a simple getting to know phase in which you find out if you are at all compatible. If I want children and a man does not want them, we can still persue a friendship, but it is no use to go on a path that would lead to lifelong expectations. Is there also that extra spark? Something in the other that makes you think: this person is someone I would love to wake up next to every single day for the rest of my life. This person is someone I would love to have children with, I could feel an intimate heat for this person as well as a daily warmth.

If you feel all that, and you also feel that you are compatible in your ideas on what you want for marriage, there is room for courtship. The both of you are seriously on the path to marriage. You are looking now if there are any impediments. You are getting to know eachother better and making sure that both of you will be happy and ready for a lifelong comitment. Only if you reach this stage, I believe, should you allow your romantic feelings to be truely part of your relationship.
Once you are ready for that and ready for marriage, the engagement is the next step. Here you commit yourself to that marriage and the remaining time is mostly needed for practical preparations. In our case, in between paperwork to leave for another country permanently, leaving a job, and planning an international wedding, it took us six months.



I enjoyed planning my wedding and I enjoyed my wedding day. But it was not some 'magical, once in a life time oportunity to be a princess' which is what some bridal shows make it to be. From that day on, I was a queen on every day for my husband. And every day he has made me feel that way, with tender care and simple love. Has he sometimes left his socks laying around in the living room? Certainly! Has he once forgotten to come home early when I needed to go to an appointment. Absolutely. But what do these things count amongst the constant cherishing that after three years still surrounds me? I have some bad habits too.
While not expecting my husband to be perfect and being aware that I am not perfect either(none of us are) we did manage to make a strong marriage between us. I am certain time will test us more. And I hope that we will weather each single storm with grace and Gods help. But we know that at least the foundation we have is strong and that the love we have for eachother encompasses romance, but goes beyond it. And that is a blessing beyond any words I can use here.

A quick thank you

I just wanted to give a quick thank you to all the ladies who are visiting from the link on LAF. If you are new to my blog welcome. I hope you may find some articles that interest or entertain you.
And a great thank you to the people who have been regularly commenting here and there. Your encouragement is what keeps me making time to write.